Your Racism, Family - Is Not Okay

I️ am, without a doubt or question, a white privileged female. Although I️ was raised in a toxic environment, I️ am socioeconomically placed in that category. I️ grew up in a primarily white suburban area an hour outside of Chicago. 


Racism was never explained to us from any other angle than from the white male perspective. My teachers taught us the textbook version of slavery and cultural differences, but never the gut wrenching truth I️ learned through experiences in adulthood. My family made snide prejudice comments, what seemed almost daily. I️ remember watching Fox News in the background while eating dinner. My republican father making your stereotypical, blatantly racist comments. Nigger. Shines. Beaners. Terrorists. Soon there after, his wife quickly agreeable. 

These are the type of white supremacists that hide behind closed doors. To your face, not only with racism, but with any type of prejudice, they were nothing but lying, kind people. They used the Bible, God, Jesus, and religion to remind me to be a “Good Christian.” I️ have no memory of going to church with them or studying the Word with any of those who preached their understanding of Christianity. 

“Remember to always give to charity” 
“Others will always have it worse than you, so be grateful.” 
“Keep your compassionate behavior, it’s a Godly gift.” 
This is the type of dialogue coming from adults who also still used the expired, racist language I️ explained earlier. What a contradictory situation to be raised in. Am I️ to think I️ am better than these people or do I️ give all I️ have to keep my heart open to their struggle? 

The most remarkable part was even when confronted, they responded so quickly to declare their lack of racism. “I️ had a ton of black friends going up.” I️ thought to myself, “Having Black ‘friends’ doesn't mean you still don't, at some degree, think you are superior to them.” So I️ grew up utterly confused because in my soul, I️ knew other ethnicity were not something to be feared or even recognized as ‘beneath us.’ Yet all I️ learnt was the exact opposite. 

I️, now, am dating a black man, which has caused, as you can imagine, quite the stir of conversation at family gatherings. When my father’s side found out I️ was dating a black man from another family member, the first thing he said was, “When were you going to tell us your boyfriend was black?” My reaction was, “I️ didn’t think it should matter.” Again, right into defense mode, making claims of not being “a raging racist.” I️ wondered how that statement could be true considering the first topic of discussion was not about this man’s character, but about his skin tone. 

I️ felt there was no other option at this point than to fight back. I️ found myself filled with so much rage that all my inclinations about their reactions were true. I️ couldn’t understand how someone could care so much about cultural differences. There wasn’t any curiosity, which I️ considered since I was the first one in my family to be with a black man, only pure stereotypical judgement. After arguing for what seemed a lifetime, I️ felt myself feeling defeated and exhausted. My heart ached thinking about how this must feel for any persons who had to confront stigma on a daily basis. 

I️ have always been so quick to understand the Anglo-Saxon male was being protected like the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I️ easily could recognize that regardless of what ever traumas I️ have been through (and trust me, there’s a chunk of baggage I’m working with), I️ would never be placed in a situation where I️ was treated as a second-class citizen. I️ will never understand how it feels to build an entire nation, being the nuts and bolts of America, without any acknowledgment. Being enslaved as a piece of property. Fearing my own livelihood solely because of the color of my skin. I️ will never understand that. 

What I refuse to do, as a white, privileged American woman, is keep my mouth shut. If I️ am silent, I️ am the oppressor. I️ will hold anyone, no matter what relation, accountable for their words and actions. We can no longer justify our continued behaviors by explaining we were taught racism. Of course we were taught to hate. However, anything you learn can be rewired to learning the truth. This conversation between all ethnic groups should be spoken about, to understand the cultures of African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, Muslim-Americans.

Educate yourselves. Equip your mind with truth, not the spoon-fed lies from white male supremacy. This is not an overnight process, but a continuous conversation and time to acquire knowledge. 

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