ReveLAtions | If I Knew Then What I Know Now...

Happy LAnniversary to me! Today marks six months of living in Los Angeles. Six months of paying rent (barely), six months of meeting hundreds of interesting people, and most importantly; six months of not giving up in this expensive, competitive and overwhelming city. Yeah, lets jump in a pool fully clothed to celebrate!! I am so thankful I have made it this long. I'll have to dance it out tonight with a classic Carlton twist and some sangria, cause that's just how we do.

Carolyn Portner | Tal Lee Photography

This milestone has me thinking about the day I left the Midwest and the person I was 181 days ago (I know, I am #deep). I had everything I thought I needed--and nothing I actually did. With some savings, a couple of vague goals and a love for a city I only visited once--I hit the road. I can’t help but wonder if that excited and optimistic kid knew what she now knows about LA and the entertainment industry...if she would do it again?  
 
If I knew then, my main source of income would be from private swim lessons... If I knew then, I would get one employment rejection email after another... If I knew then, how much I would be tested by relationships... If I knew then, who I would become after six months of living in Los Angeles, would I do it again? There have been countless reasons to give up and go back home. However, for all the difficulties I have faced, the successes knock the hard times out cold. If I knew then, all the cool Midwest to LA transplant friends I would make... If I knew then, how much my resume would grow from television gigs I actually did get... If I knew then, how much I would learn about myself...I wouldn't believe it.

I am not sure if I knew everything I would experience these past six months, that I would have done it again. I am realizing that I am happy that I didn't know. Sometimes, all it takes is one insane act of courage and oblivion to end up where you are supposed to be. The more I think about the girl that left the Midwest six months ago today, the more I realize she is the only thing that will keep me afloat in LA. This video, a Snapchat captured by my best gal pal and cross-country driving partner Beth, of me officially leaving Naperville, reminded me of the excitement and passion that started this journey in the first place.

I realize that there is no way to predict what this town will teach me or what route I will take to accomplish my goals and really what my goals are by living here. It changes daily and sometimes hourly. I have a feeling that if I carry the optimism I had on day one of my LA journey, giving up will never be an option--it will just be a sign to try harder.

Here's to the next six months LA!